Stats are current as of 6/18
A funny thing happened on the way to the 2008 All-Star Game, and the last one at Yankee Stadium....
Idiotic Boston Red Sox fans.
And I don't mean that in an endearing 2004 kind of way.
These morons are stuffing the ballot box to try and field a team on Yankee turf largely comprised of--surprise!--Red Sox players. Undeserving ones at that.
Like David Ortiz who's out with a bad knee. Second baseman Dustin Pedroria and his middle-of-the-road stats. And, of course there's Jason Vartiek with his "Hey, I'm at the end of my career, can you tell?" stats. All of these players are currently the leading vote getters at their positions.
OK, we all get it. You want an entire field filled in Yankee Stadium with Red Sox players. Ha, ha. We all get it.
You can remedy this lunacy however by following this handy-dandy guide and stuffing the ballot box with these more deserving names and players.
Don't worry Red Sox and Yankee fans, you will be well represented.
AMERICAN LEAGUE:
FIRST BASE VOTE FOR:
Justin Morneau, Twins
WHY: Morenau, by the slimmest of margins, is having a better year than Boston's Kevin Youkilis, currently the leading vote getter at 1B.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Youkilis. But not much of an idiot.
SECOND BASE VOTE FOR:
Ian Kinsler, Rangers
WHY: There's not a soul among the AL second base candidates who can touch Kinsler's stats and year. Not. Even. Close. Pal.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Pedroia. Geezus, the Mariners Jose Lopez is having a better year. So is Baltimore's Brian Roberts.
SHORTSTOP, VOTE FOR:
Derek Jeter, Yankees
WHY: What a pathetic lot this is. They resemble the all-field-no-hit shortstops from the 50s, 60s and 70s. Hell, do a write-in vote for Mark Belanger.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Jhonny Peralta, Indians. 11 HRs and .226 avg. The Dave Kingman of shortstops.
THIRD BASE, VOTE FOR:
Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
WHY: A-Rod was out for 3 weeks with a bum quad and he's still the top choice here. In just 184 AB's his hitting .324/12/37.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Mike Lowell, Red Sox. Clearly the best second choice here is the White Sox Joe Crede, quietly having a very good year.
CATCHER, VOTE FOR:
Joe Mauer, Twins
WHY: Mauer isn't hitting the long ball like he's capable of doing, but he is hitting .324 with 27 RBI, tops among all catchers.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Jason Varitek, Red Sox. Big deal. He has 7 HR's. So? He's hitting .249. Still think he deserves to start over Gerald Laird (.293/4/24) or AJ Pierzynski (.301/4/26), let alone Mauer? I think not.
OUTFIELD, VOTE FOR:
Manny Ramirez, Red Sox; Josh Hamilton, Rangers, JD Drew, Red Sox
WHY: All 3 of these players are having really great years. It's that simple. I could even make a case for Milton Bradley in Texas starting over Drew, but I won't. And if you're not paying attention to Josh Hamilton or his incredible trek back from heroin use, you will come the All-Star game. This guy's life is going to make a great baseball movie some day. Maybe it'll even be an Oscar winner, if done properly.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Ichiro, Mariners. Sorry, I'm from Seattle but the fact that he's the 3rd leading vote getter right now tells you that Japanese fans are stuffing the box, too.
DESGINATED HITTER, VOTE FOR:
Hideki Matsui, Yankees
WHY: .325/7/34. 'Nuff said. Nobody even comes close to his average.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: David Ortiz, Red Sox. Come on, folks. He's been on the DL for weeks now. Give it a rest, will ya?
NATIONAL LEAGUE:
The NL infield couldn't be any easier to pick. So far fans are picking almost exactly the right players at each position. But the outfield is complete voting disaster with Ken Griffey Jr., Alfonso Soriano and K. Fukodome leading the way. Apparently Cubs fans feel compelled to act and vote like their American League counterparts.
FIRST BASE, VOTE FOR:
Lance Berkman, Astros
WHY: Duh. What plant have you been on for the last 2.5 months.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Derek Lee, Cubs. Or Albert Pujols, Cardinals.
SECOND BASE, VOTE FOR:
Chase Utley, Phillies
WHY: See Berkman's "Why".
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Dan Uggla, Marlins. OK, you're not an "idiot", just a well-meaning but slightly myopic, diehard Marlins fan.
SHORTSTOP, VOTE FOR:
Hanley Ramirez, Marlins
WHY: .290/15/32 and 16 SBs.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Miguel Tejada, Astros. Oh please, go look at the stats compared to Hanley. On top of that, you're voting for a man up for the Perennial Liar of The Year Award.
THIRD BASE, VOTE FOR:
Chipper Jones, Braves
WHY: See Berkman and Utley's "Why". And he's hitting .403 for God's sake.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Any body else. If you do, enjoy your new idiot label.
CATCHER, VOTE FOR:
Brian McCann, Braves or Geovany Soto, Cubs
WHY: Their stats are interchangeable.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Somebody other than those two guys.
OUTFIELD, VOTE FOR:
Nate McLouth, Pirates, Ryan Braun, Brewers, Pat Burrell, Phillies or Ryan Ludwick, Cardinals
WHY: You reply, "What? Four outfielders? Why you can't even punch your ballot like this and have it count?" I said "or", so pay attention. And the DH is in effect this year, genius. McLouth, despite being an absolute nobody coming out of spring training, is having a terrific year (.296/15/47). He'll probably come back to earth in the second half, but for now he deserves your vote. Same story with Ludwick (.310/16/54). And Braun (.285/18/52) and Burrell (.289/18/47) are also having similar great years. You could even make a case for Soriano, but he's a wasted vote now that he has an injured hand that'll keep him out until after The Break.
YOU COULD BE AN IDIOT AND VOTE FOR: Ken Griffey Jr., Reds or Kosuke Fukudome, Cubs, both currently 2nd and 3rd in voting, respectively. This is what happens when you drink and vote.
See how easy that was? And I didn't even have to be a ballot-stuffing idiot to represent some people's team fairly and honestly.*
*As a side note, is it just me or is the whole romance of Boston being some kind perennial "loser town that can never win anything" and second-class citizen to New York angle just the biggest bunch of horse poo in light of the Celtics, Red Sox and Patriots going to and--and in 2 out of 3 instances--winning their sport's championships. Heck, it's not even question mark worthy.
